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19 November 2009 @ 05:01 pm
All my words are filled with glass  
I'm not sure when the last time I updated this, but here I am. I'm about to watch my friend sing. Been reading this random person's blog so I figured I should update mine.

I'm not sure what to say except I had hoped by this age I'd be a whole lot more than I am--an adult. I don't feel like an adult; in fact, I feel like a kid running away from age. A weird and scary thought. It's how I've always been--terrified of maturity, but old in a lot of ways.

I've retreated into myself a lot these last few months, but I feel like I haven't been delving too deep, afraid of what sort of depression I might uncover. I'm the sort of person who, when she thinks too much, can really dig her own grave. And it's not even that I find my life to be terrible. It's just that I've always felt the highs and lows of life more intensely than others. Which is weird because I imagine a lot of people don't really see me. I was just waving and saying hi to someone from an exercise class and even though she was about 10 feet away in this quiet auditorium, she didn't see me.

Sometimes I really enjoy being invisible. I suppose that's kind of strange.

Anyways, it's been a strange last few months. And I'm running my first marathon on Sunday. I haven't do e anything fun in months, so I'm looking forward to it. Just the fact that I consider running 26.2 miles fun should tell you a little something about me. I'm a glutton for punishment. At least, these days, I punish myself in better ways?
Current Location: Brooklyn college
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Ardwynna Morriguardwynna_m on November 19th, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
I think a lot of people end up feeling not as old as their number says they are. Where do we get our ideas of how 20 or 25 or 30 are supposed to behave, and does anyone truly ever match that imaginary model? I think if at any point you're able to handle what responsibilities you take on, and solve conflict without resorting to a playground scuffle, that should be as 'adult' as you really need to be.
アダkazenokodomo on November 20th, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
"My biggest problem was my continuing lack of worldliness. Maybe if you concentrate on the fact that you are forty-one years old, I scolded my reflection, you'd remember to be more worldly!" -Julia Child

;) Don't let it get you down.
tringatringa on November 20th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
While you are searching for your inner-adult there's plenty of 40-somethings looking for their inner-child. I think that is sadder (and funnier).

Enjoy! I think we are all other-worldly creatures and are sent here to experience this world's ups and downs as our home planet is rather dreary.