I'll tell you what's sad. When you go to buy yourself a pick-me-up and that purchase is a pencil case. I have been a little down lately, mostly because of the session with the personal trainer combined with the feeling that no matter what I do to eat right, my own brain wants to sabotage me. I realize it's okay to treat yourself after a really tough week filled with 5AM wake ups to go to the gym, but it's not okay to consume an extra 300 calories a day and then binge on the weekend. This is why I am maintaining and this is why I basically look like a doughy mass.

I guess I just never thought I'd be one of those people who exercises a ton and then screws up on the nutritional intake. I would have figured it'd be the other way around.

But anyway, my pencil case has "Sunday Dream" and a key on it, a little reminder to myself that I basically hold the key to my destiny, which is a corny thing to say but I believe that. I also do my long runs on Sunday (6 miles is the minimum), so I do a lot of dreaming and planning on Sundays.

My runs and my workouts are what make me feel alive. It's a block of time where I revitalize my limbs and heart, but also give myself a mental check. I shouldn't need to put junk in my body.

Shit's gonna change.

Why is it that when I come back from walking in Manhattan I smell like smoked bacon? *scared*

Anyway, I am grateful to the people I have in my life who believe in me. You guys have no idea what a motivating factor you are in my life.

I am terrified about starting work tomorrow. I really am. And I already don't want to go to class tonight. Night classes make my brain hurt. I literally sit there thinking about what's for dinner the whole time. Sad.