I am determined to finish this fic even though I suck at updating. XD

I am going to cry buckets writing the next chapter because that's when Zack dies. And I can't believe this thing is going to end in only a few chapters . . . or that it's 165 pages long in Word. Craziness.

Anyway, update over here. Click, read, commentate please.

For Christmas I got a PS3 and have since gotten FFVII: AC Complete. The new material was really awesome and made the movie more watchable, I think. Before, I think I was just watching the thing because it had Sephiroth and Cloud in it, but the new material that revealed more background about Denzel and more scenes with Zack in them made it feel more genuine and not like they scrambled a plot together out of their asses. Plus it makes the end of my fic more justifiable.

Also, I downloaded FFVII from the PSN and put it on my PSP. It is my dream! FFVII on a handheld gaming device! I almost cried.

I've been playing Dragon Age a lot the past few days. It is incredible. It took me 8 hours to get into it, though. At first I was just thoroughly confused and kind of disappointed by the fighting, but then I started getting the battle system and all the intricacies of the game and now my mind has been blown.

Lots of stuff has been going down, but whatevs, I've got video games, books, and my imagination to entertain and distract me.

Oh, and I'm dating. It's kind of strange. But nice. I feel a bit like an alien exploring this thing called dating.

ALSO! I finally lost more than 100 pounds. I still have 45-50 to go, but I'm no longer obese, just overweight. And I'm a size eight. I never thought I'd be a size eight? Feels good.

A random video I decided to make about when I first felt fat.

EDIT: Above = me, happy to be home and to be done with the marathon and to have the medal that I thought they were gonna run out of XD

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I am thirsty, and wish to partake in a beverage, but I'll hold off to update this thing.

So I completed my first marathon. It wasn't like how I thought it would be. I basically started off weird, and had this weird hip pain the entire 26.2 miles. I also broke down emotionally at the point where I was due to hit the wall, and then had to reach deep to complete it on auto pilot. It was a strange experience. My time was awful and even though I got a medal for completing it (in 6 hours and 30 minutes--I had to walk a lot because of the hip pain) I felt like I didn't really earn it, but, that's kind of ridiculous. For a first marathon, just finishing it is really the only goal I should have had in mind. But, let me tell you, when you run a 6:30 marathon, there are NO PEOPLE CHEERING FOR YOU ANYMORE. There are hardly even water stations. They are taking away cones as you hobble/run.

And my pinky toe, formerly covered in a blood blister, has turned a lovely purplish black color. But I've had toenails fall off before, and am confident all is fine. I can still walk, so I'm okay! *thumbs up, stiff upper lip*

I want to do the NYC marathon as my second marathon, but I'm debating over when to do it. I still have about 50 pounds to lose, which would help take strain off my body and help me get faster. Plus, I told myself I'd do a marathon before I turned 25, so there's one for the bucket list. Pressure's off.

Not much else going on. I decided to stop taking my birth control. I might have to go back on some form of hormone stabilizer, but...I'm kind of hoping that a lot of the weird issues I had with my period were obesity related. I'm still considered obese, but I've lost almost 100 pounds since the craziest times, and I'm hoping that maybe, somehow, losing the weight helped. But who knows.

Been trying to deal with Holiday Depression. Around this time of year--every year--I start to get severely depressed and don't really know what to do with myself. This year it's manifested itself in my insecurities about my body, yay! It seems the more weight I lose, the more terrified I am of my physical self, if that makes any sense. I'm way too self conscious.

Anyway, I have work in a few hours. I should rest.

Notice my non-mention of Thanksgiving. I hate Thanksgiving. I hate being around an excess of food.

I'm not sure when the last time I updated this, but here I am. I'm about to watch my friend sing. Been reading this random person's blog so I figured I should update mine.

I'm not sure what to say except I had hoped by this age I'd be a whole lot more than I am--an adult. I don't feel like an adult; in fact, I feel like a kid running away from age. A weird and scary thought. It's how I've always been--terrified of maturity, but old in a lot of ways.

I've retreated into myself a lot these last few months, but I feel like I haven't been delving too deep, afraid of what sort of depression I might uncover. I'm the sort of person who, when she thinks too much, can really dig her own grave. And it's not even that I find my life to be terrible. It's just that I've always felt the highs and lows of life more intensely than others. Which is weird because I imagine a lot of people don't really see me. I was just waving and saying hi to someone from an exercise class and even though she was about 10 feet away in this quiet auditorium, she didn't see me.

Sometimes I really enjoy being invisible. I suppose that's kind of strange.

Anyways, it's been a strange last few months. And I'm running my first marathon on Sunday. I haven't do e anything fun in months, so I'm looking forward to it. Just the fact that I consider running 26.2 miles fun should tell you a little something about me. I'm a glutton for punishment. At least, these days, I punish myself in better ways?

We just had a squat competition in Martial Arts class. XD I did 300 in a row! I am so amused. They were deep squats, too. Gonna be feelin' those tomorrow. Now I have to jump on my bike. Going out to see Paranormal Activity with the mom tonight. Yes, I hang out with my mom.

Be sure to celebrate Mole day tomorrow! At exactly 6:02, or it doesn't count.

Recently I've been going through these weird intestinal pains which started last week when my stomach reacted violently to too much protein. I've kind of always been pretty sensitive to protein/ electrolyte replacement drinks, but this was over the top. I couldn't sleep, I had a slight fever, I was nauseous, had no appetite, and I almost fainted. I was feeling weak.

I had to drop my Physio class due to me being horrible at Physio, plus my professor was a Nazi and gave a quiz for attendence every day....so if you were 5 minutes late you were absent...and this was an 8 am class.....but the point of mentioning that is that I basically dropped it right after I got proof of matriculation saying I was a FT student so I could continue under my mom's insurance for the semester. But dropping the course brought me to be a PT student....so then I went to this new doctor my friend recommended to me...and he had me go fir an X-Ray of my abdomen and I have a sonogram on Saturday morning...plus a blood test on Saturday as well because I haven't had one in two years....and I'm terrified the insurance company will drop me and leave me with the bills, which wl definitely be over 1,000 bucks.

The doctor felt my stomach and basically told me I'm severely backed up...so it could be I irritated my digestive system...or I have gallbladder disease plus impaction, but I'll have to find out next week. Hopefully it's not my gallbladder. But in googling I scared myself because some people who take my birth control get gallbladder disease as a result. Which makes me hate taking BC even more, but my period without BC is pretty much unlivable and probably contributed to my poor quality of life right up until getting on it.

In short, I hope I'm not going to pay a price I can't afford, in both respects.

My new weight lifting gear makes me feel like a MMA princess. With scary eyebrows. LOL.

Also, I went to the hospital to spend time with one of my clients in rehab for his fractured fibula and this was taped to the back of his wheelchair:



He's pretty funny. He "wears his sunglasses at night". Literally. And he always asks me who my favorite wrestler is. LOL. He dressed up like Michael Jackson at camp this year and danced to "Thriller"--he loves the '80's and was hit hard by MJ's death. Lots of funny stories from this client. XD

So, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fail this semester. I've been running on like 4 hours of sleep for the past two days and one of my classes already had a quiz. My physiology class might as well be in Greek.

At least my martial arts professor is hot. He had us introduce ourselves to one another, bow to one another, sit on our knees after lining up, bow to our "dojo", and then we did 50 squats and 20 pushups. Lol.

Pray for my soul. I'm about to start chem class. My professor speaks very fast and very low. Mehhhh.

I'm gonna be a nurse! In less than three years from now. I'm going to do an accelerated program where my mom works, at SUNY downstate. I've already got most of the pre reqs out of the way. Have to take a test before I apply, but it's all good.

I spent 300 bucks on two science textbooks today. Let's see what my psychology text costs. Also, for whatever reason, probably the evil glint in her glasses, my chemistry professor reminds me of Hojo.

I get to mess with chemicals in my lab coat this semester AND do martial arts in a uniform. Lol I am excited.

Today I woke up at 4, went to the gym, showered at gym, went directly to 8am class, then got out at 1:40 and went to work until 10. Exhaustedddd. Gotta wake up at the crack of dawn again to run.

Oh, and a client threw celexa in my face today. Liquid celexa.

I love writing angst.

It is one of my many guilty pleasures.

Part Twenty

I am updating DG again. I want to finish it! Only a few more chapters left.

I am determined to throw in some fluffiness before this all goes downhill. Of course, it'll be bittersweet fluffiness, because exactly how fluffy can catatonic!Cloud be? And I'm pretty much gonna have a few scenes where Zack is clearly losing his shit and, like, hallucinating. It should be a blast!

This fandom is depressing. I love it. LOL.